Trauma Services

Trauma is usually defined as a life threatening event like an accident or an assault, or it can be an ongoing experience that feels hurtful or devastating. Trauma can be about not getting enough of the good things like nurturing or validation as a child. This is commonly referred to as “small t” trauma, while abuse is referred to as “big T trauma.” As a society, we are getting better at recognizing and understanding how we are impacted by all kinds of traumatic experiences. For example, we can be greatly affected by childhood trauma where there has been physical, sexual, and emotional abuse or neglect. If we’ve been mistreated by medical, judicial, educational, or mental health systems, we can have institutionally induced trauma. At times, trauma can be more subtle and insidious, but it can still have powerful effects on our lives. There is a wealth of research on the impact of trauma on our nervous system, our health, our relationships, and our overall functioning.

Fortunately, there is help. We now know the effective use of psychotherapy and the various trauma-focused therapies that are very successful in treating trauma. It is possible to heal, recover, and go on to thrive. You are not defined by what has happened to you. It was something that happened to you.

What is Betrayal Trauma?

If you have experienced betrayal due to infidelity, serial cheating, or sex addiction, you know how devastating this kind of betrayal is. When you discover that there’s been betrayal, it can be disorienting and overwhelming. Initially, you may be in shock and disbelief. Then you may begin to start digging or doing your own “detective work” to find out the scope of the betrayal. This is called “safety-seeking behavior” because you are trying to understand what has happened. Your mind is trying to get a handle on the magnitude of the betrayal and what exactly you are dealing with in this relationship. This is all normal behavior. You may experience thoughts that you’re going crazy or that something is wrong with you.

Some common symptoms and feelings are the following:

  • Shock self-doubt sleeping problems,
  • Denial feelings of going crazy nightmares,
  • Grief wanting to isolate loss of appetite or overeating,
  • anger/rage fear and terror hyperarousal,
  • Shame sadness easily startled,
  • Humiliation anxiety feeling of overwhelm Helplessness,
  • powerlessness emotionally unstable.
All of these reactions are completely normal. In fact, the majority of partners experience Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of this trauma. It takes great courage to seek help at a time like this. I am here to help you, understand you, and guide you.

7 reminders that can help:

  1. First of all, it is important for you to know that it is not your fault. There is nothing you did or didn’t do. You didn’t cause this. 
  2. You need people who understand and “get it.”  You need education, guidance, support, understanding and compassion right now. 
  3. You need as much self-care practices as possible to calm and soothe your inflamed nervous system. 
  4. You need safety in your own home. Identifying your needs and boundaries will help you feel more in control. 
  5. You need to know that a roadmap for healing and recovery exists, and the fog will clear. You don’t need to make any major decisions right now. Give yourself time.
  6. You need to know that you won’t always be feeling this way. Trauma has a timeless feel to it. You will be less reactive and less triggered as you move forward in your healing journey. 
  7. Although it may not feel like it, there is hope for you to transcend this trauma, and you will be stronger, wiser, and more confident as a result.

What is sex addiction?

Are you concerned that your loved one has a sex addiction problem?

Are you concerned you may have a problem with compulsive, impulsive, and reckless behavior that may be an addiction? Even though you try repeatedly to stop, you continue despite the negative consequences. Do you feel shame afterwards after promising yourself you will stop, but you can’t help yourself to stop?

Sex addiction is a disorder when there is compulsive behavior and a strong preoccupation with sex. There is a pronounced loss of control, shame, an inability to stop despite the consequences, and a loss of time and money. There is an escalation of risk-taking behaviors over time.
Whether a person is addicted to a substance (alcohol, drugs) or whether it is a behavioral addiction (sex, food, gambling, work), addictions are based on brain differences and early developmental trauma. When there are significant childhood events, children develop a variety of coping mechanisms or defenses in order to survive. These behaviors, if left untreated, can grow into maladaptive, addictive behaviors where the individual self-medicates and, over time, loses control of the addiction. They learn to compartmentalize and lead double lives until there is a discovery and the truth comes out. As painful and devastating as that can be, it can be a pathway towards true recovery, sobriety, and healing.

There is a treatment framework developed by Dr. Patrick Carnes that outlines a task-based roadmap, including individual therapy, group therapy, and 12-step meetings. Treatment can be successful for the sex addict and the family as long as there is a commitment toward honesty, integrity, and sobriety.

Here’s how you can get help:

Individual Therapy

To work on your self-care, understanding of betrayal trauma and sex addiction, managing triggers, setting healthy boundaries, getting additional support, and starting your journey toward healing and recovery.

Couples Therapy

To work on starting the trust-building process, setting healthy boundaries with each other, working on communication and conflict resolution, educating the sex addict on betrayal trauma and how he/she can help you support you when triggered, parenting issues, making necessary agreements for disclosure, and amends.

Partner Trauma Groups

To receive compassionate support with other partners who understand and are dealing with similar issues in an environment of no judgment, safety, and trust.

Intensives and Workshops

Allow for greater learning and healing beyond the individual therapy weekly sessions.

Contact Now

Aliki Pishev, LICSW, CSAT, CCPS

You can also visit the Center For Life Services website for more information HERE.

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